So mom keeps saying how she is going to kill herself, the dogs, or someone else. How lovely of her ...right? How no one cares about her. How we all treat her like a 3 year old. How she doesn’t feel needed. How she can feel this brain tumor growing and moving in her head. And on and on and on & on & on & on.....................................
What am I suppose to do. I do everything I can for her. I have gave & gave & gave & gave & gave to the point I had nothing to give. Money that I need, goes to her. What more can I do. She told me today, after I confronted her about blowing up at me the other day (which was really bad ...really bad), that Aaron is a lazy piece of shit and she doesn’t understand why I stay with him. Bad mouth him, his brother, and his mother. Now what the hell does that have to do with anything. She can not be happy for me, oh sure she says she is, but then to say shit like that. I am soo at a breaking point. I don’t know what to do. What do you do? What do you do when it’s your mother, the one person that use to be the only solid thing in your life. The person that gave me life. What am I to do. Her health and depression is beyond anything I have ever seen, or dealt with. But why should I have to deal with it. Why is it everything is up to me? What am I suppose to do?
I am so lost today. My heart aches. My head hurts. My eyes have dried up. My stomach is upset constantly, and here I thought things where getting "better". (laughs at myself) What the hell do I know though. Everyone around me uses me for their own personal gain, sad part is I seem to let them all .....use me ...and use me ...and use me. How can I break the cycle I ask myself. What actions can I take to make things go MY way. Who is going to comfort me when I break down from all the pressure of being "the one that fixes it all".
It’s so easy for people to say to stop helping my mother. But really if it was their mother would they just give up? Wash their hands of her. Say "Go fucking help yourself mom?" I just can’t be that way. I care to much. But then again if you ask her I don’t care enough I guess.
Well as writing all this crap out I feel a little bit better. Okay not really, but that feeling will pass someday .............someday.
~blue kisses~
2 comments:
Ach!
Spam!
Go into settings.
Comments.
click on the 'show word verification' button
and expunge the spam from your life.
Then mom is next....
one thing i have learned babycakes... mom's need to be told 'well it was nice talking to you' midway through conversations.
Do it often enough and the tone changes to more engaging.
hug
hug
hug
I know it's your mom, baby doll. I know that it hurts you tremendously to see her like this. But you have to understand that it isn't completely your mom who is saying all those things. Part of it is the tumor. Try....try to understand that she isn't meaning to hurt you....even though she is hurting you. I know it's hard....be patient, Love. And you know what? I'll always be here to help fix you...even if it is from miles away. I love you sis!
Post a Comment