A Blah State of Mind

That is what happens when winter months set into a person. *laffs* So it just must be the
winter blues that have kept me away from writing. Hell it’s what has kept me from doing
shit too. That’s okay coz spring is around the corner and this butterfly will emerge from her
cold quite shell. A different butterfly from last year or even at that matter, a different
butterfly from any past years.

I say this because I have sensed a change in the person I once was. Maybe not a change
that one could see by a glance, but an inner change. Could be that Aaron finally asked me,
could be from being hurt deeply by someone close to me, or it just could be because I
turned another year older. Either way “I’m loving it”!

*~*~*

Been having these dreams/nightmares of my brother Scott lately. I know why I am having
them, I just wish they would stop. There is this one that is so clear to me, I’m walking
through the woods hearing him cry, I find him in this huge deep hole, I’m screaming for
him to grab the rope but he won’t. The hole is to deep and his cries get louder, I wake up
balling. It’s tough when a sibling won’t get the help he/she needs. Scott has a warrant out
for him in the county I live in. So all these dreams/nightmares revolve around him being
in trouble or him not wanting help. He and I were so close as kids leaving poor Dusty to
be momma’s boy. Now though Dusty and I are the closest we have ever been and I feel
so distant from Scott. Of course I did cut him out of my life, and the guilty is another thing
haunting my dreams, but what else could I have done. A question I will never have an
answer for. I miss you Scott, and I’ll always love you.

~*~*~

Wedding stuff has been put aside for now. I want to elope to Vegas and well Aaron wants
to elope close by. We are butting heads so nothing has been decided yet. But between you
and me I’m going to Vegas BABY!!!! *giggles & grins*

*~*~*

Back to my title... I am in a blah state of mind. Blah Blah Blah is all I hear. *laffs* Not that
I don’t care about things around me I just find them/it blah this month. It has to be the
winter blues ...it just has to be.

~blah blah blah and some more blah~