I’m starting to figure out the real reason I won’t let myself get close to my best friend again. I am so afraid of getting hurt again. How silly is that ...right? But it’s true. I feel like if I gave my all again there is this possibility I’d be broken once more. This so doesn’t sound like the person I like to think I am. I love to take chances. But why now and why of all things am I holding back? Maybe it’s because my love for her is so strong that it scares me. I joke a lot about not being right to have a best friend. I mean look at the track record, it speaks for it’s self. I know though I’m crazy for thinking that way or even joking like that. Everyone should have someone to turn too when in need. She was my rock at one time and I was hers, or I like to hope I was. Even now when we get together I just don’t know how to act. It’s like all these walls come up and I’m on guard. I want to break that cycle I have put myself into, but I really don’t know how. She knows I love her and would do anything for her, I think she just doesn’t understand why I’m not around anymore when I’m only a few blocks away. I about cried the last time I was with all of them. Her little girl said to me "Aasty I never get to see you anymore." as she clung to me not wanting me to leave. That broke my heart. And since then I been asking myself "what the hell is wrong with you". So I must work on it and work on it hard. I will not let myself lose another good thing. I love you my friend and I am sorry for not being around, I will change that soon!

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So my mom has been looking for love again. I know she is lonesome and it kills me to see her so down. She made herself a Myspace account. Which got me thinking about her track record with meeting men o/l. It sucks! Bad part about it all is that there isn’t a single man I know around here that she could go out with. Or at least not one I would want her to see. She is lonely though and I pray she finds that comfort that she is needing.

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Everyone I know is getting pregnant. WTF is up with that? Are we in some kind of "baby boom" again? *laffs at myself* My friend calls and tells me she is pregnant and my response "Oh". I mean WTF is wrong with me. *giggles* I should be like "congratulation" or "that’s so cool beans" or "how cool is that", yet what I’m thinking is "what are you going to do with that." I know I’m nuts. But really I am happy for the ones that have just found out. I pray each of them experiences the love a child can bring because it’s like no other.

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Well that’s all for me today. Duties are calling and bossman should be in shortly. Have a wonderful Hump Day!

~rainy smooches~