Tainted Love's Escape

Happy Holiday Weekend!!!

2009-05-22T20:37:00.002-05:00

Well Hello ......

So I thought this picture my brother did of me on his iphone

was pretty fucking sweet! And I had to share it here.

I am good, happy to have a three day weekend.

Been freaking addicted to Farm Town on facebook, it's pretty sad. ~giggles~

~sweet summer kisses~

My New Tattoo

2009-04-26T21:04:00.004-05:00

I love it! This is the 1st day after.

Notice the little bit of red. But man is it hott!

~giggles~

Dusty's is pretty sweet too.

He has a picture up on his myspace.

~*~*~*~

Ah Sunday. It was nice. Made a big dinner for my brother's birthday.

Aaron mowed, love that smell!

Well i just wanted to share this.

~wicked midnight love~

Going Out Tonight

2009-04-17T18:21:00.005-05:00

The second one means elder sister ...my next tattoo ...for my little brother. He is getting the symbol for little brother. cool beans huh?

Yes finally a night away. We (Kim, Jacob, Beau & Aaron ..on and me) are going bowling! Sweet action. I promise to take pictures to share.

The weather is great today. But rain and storms are moving in. Good thing that I am working some of tomorrow. Indoors away from that shit.

Aaron is so happy to have hig-speed now. X-Box Live ...OHHHHHOOOHHH. ~laffs~ I told him not to become this monster. I'll have to beat him down if it starts. ~WEG~

~sexy spring lovin~

Wicked

2009-04-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

I'm back my lovely bicthes!

~grins~

Yes finally I am back online and full of excitement.

I have missed this for too long now.

I am well ...if not better than before.

I have so much to say.

Yet the words have left me ...

Anyhoo ...I hope you all had a great Easter.

~wicked love~

Bella Don Jonesy

2007-12-11T15:51:00.001-06:00

Isn't she the cutest?

My first "toy" dog, a shitz tzu.

I wanted to share her with you all.

I love her to death.

All else my way going good.

Didn't lose power during this crazy ice storm we got.

That's good!

I do have a lot to write, just no time yet to do it.

But it's coming ...soon I hope!!!!

~wicked love to the wicked~

Life is Peachy ....

2007-09-12T10:57:00.000-05:00

The post below is the effect of me being pushed to my limit. I apologize for my attitude but still stand by everything I said. It’s so sad that someone could take the time, read through all my posts and pick out the bad things to tell Aaron, never touching on anything good I wrote about or how much I love Aaron and would do anything for him. Who of which (Aaron) has no interest in my blog anyways. (Still after all this, Aaron could careless about this blog of mine that I love) I have spent time re-reading things and decided what is the point. It’s funny because this wasn’t the first time I got into a argument over MY blog. The first was because my friend did not want me to write about her or her family. Now it’s like this new person doesn’t want me to write about MY life. Give it a break. I’m not going to stop and nothing will change.

~*~*~*~

So it’s been sometime since I have wrote about MY life and the shit that’s been going on. Let’s start with good things and leave the bad for last. I finally rented and reserved the church were Aaron and I are going to get married, it’s two blocks from the house. It is SOOOOO beautiful and most church’s give the hebegebees, not this one. I felt so much warmth from it’s walls. Another cool thing is that the preacher has to do the ceremony. I was going to have a friend that is ordained do it and I was going to write the whole thing, but now I can mark that off my list and let the preacher man do his stuff. It works out really nicely because Aaron was wanting the traditional ceremony anyways. (I think he thought I would write a crazy ceremony) We don’t have to do marriage classes (thank you!), but he does want to meet once with Aaron and myself. Aaron wasn’t around when I got to go and take care of things. Basically he said he wanted to just talk to us about divorce and how in his and God’s eyes that is not a solution. He was shocked to hear that I do divorces all the time in my work and that Aaron and I have been together so long. It was a nice experience to talk to him that day, he made me feel so comfortable which I was terrified I wouldn’t be. I’m looking forward to sitting down with him with Aaron.
Everything will be at the church so I won’t have to go to two or three different locations. The church is big enough for a huge wedding though ours is not that big. I’ve been fighting with myself if I should do an announcement in the paper before or after. If I was to do it before I would be afraid of how many people would read it then show for the day. So I am leaning to doing it after. I wouldn’t mind if I had the money to throw a lavish wedding and invite every single person that wants to come, but since miss money bags is paying for it all herself I just can’t take that chance. Though what we are almost five months away, things are coming together nicely. I went yesterday to talk to the florist about flowers. The one that I really wanted has turned out to be very expensive if I wanted the real thing, which is lily of the valley. The flowers come in in a bunch of ten stocks, one stock costs around $10, so for ten stocks that would bring the total to $100, and that’s not even the final price. So I broke my heart and decided I better keep looking at different flowers. Another sucky thing is a lot of the flowers I enjoy will not be in season come February. Now for the flowers for the boys, mothers’, etc, the price is cheap and good. It’s just mine that will be pricy. It almost makes me want to grow a nursery of flowers so I can do it all myself, but that won’t happen. *giggles*

Mom and me went over food items. She is wanting to do a lot of it on her own. I keep telling her the less I have her do the more she can enjoy the day with me. I don’t want her taking care of everything and running around that day with her head chopped off. Hell I need her to be with me some of the day. *giggles* So I have this place in mind that can do almost half of the catering with very good prices so I’m not spending a fortune. All the food really will be finger food. Now I need to start tasting different champagne to see which kind I would want. I think for the liquor part I’m just going to tell our friends that really want to hit it heavy to walk their asses down to the house and have at it. It will be cold so by the time the get there get liquored up and walk back to the church they’ll be mighty warm. So now I’ve been picking up liquor by the bottle when it’s on sale. It’s going to work nicely because come February I’ll have plenty of booze for the boozers. *laughs* Aaron and I aren’t much of drinkers, so to have hard liquor at the wedding didn’t feel right. The only thing now is I have to clean house before then and put a sign to not flush toilet paper on the bathroom door. (Our plumbing sucks dick) I think otherwise everything will fall together. I still need to buy shoes, jewelry, and misc. stuff but that will come.

~*~*~*~

Work is starting to slow down a little bit. Our office is unique by that we don’t have very many working here, a total of five employees (including the bossman) and three of them are part-timers. Mel is city attorney for twelve towns here in Missouri, plus he does family law, criminal law, traffic law, and many other areas. I am the one that works on mostly everything. So as you can image my head is always spinning. I am always amazed at him for keeping up on it all and it drives me to do the same. I think that is one of the reasons I don’t take time off work as much as I probably should. And when I do take a day off I feel a little guilty not being there. I am so proud of myself for being so dedicated. Though some days I just want to throw my phone and computer out the window and watch them burn baby ...burn!!! *giggles wickedly*

~*~*~*~

I really don’t have anything bad to say. So I won’t say anything at all. Life seems peachy my way and I pray it stays that way for a little bit that is. Everyone has their ups and downs and no one should judge them for that. Though I still feel I am being judged, I’ll suck it up and deal with it my way.

~smooches of the fall kind~

Drama Drama ...and Some Heavy Liftin'

2007-09-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

First off I don’t write here hoping to please anyone except myself. It was brought to my attention that a new visitor to my blog told Aaron that I was "bad mouthing" his family. Hummm ...when did I do that? I went back reading some of my older posts and I still don’t know what the fuck they are talking about. Aaron says he read it so I asked him when did I write it so I can read it again? He of course didn’t have an answer. Then my next question was when the fuck do you ever read my blog? Again he didn’t have an answer.

So fuck off! Don’t come here and try to use my blog against me because your pissed off at someone else. It’s not my fucking fault. I have never said anything nasty about Aaron’s family, if I said anything it’s that I don’t like to go to his family events because all the girls do is gossip about everyone. Hello ... that’s the truth and not a lie and not something nasty to say. Something about his family holding me back ???? WTF????? I don’t get that one. Maybe I said Aaron held me back from wanting to explore the world as a flight attendant but that’s old news. I could write lots of nasty shit in here, but I don’t. I try to keep things personal to me here. But now it’s like why fucking do that, it could be used against me in the future. I guess the only great thing about this is I have a history here and I can go back to my first post if I want to and re-read it. No one can go into my account and change what I wrote, it’s all here. So to the person who came to this site and tried to use my words to piss Aaron off at me ...go on ...find some more shit to share with him. I have nothing to HIDE!

~*~*~*~

I am sick and tired of the drama. SICK AND TIRED! I’m tired of people hiding behind lies and drama. I sick of people starting drama and spreading lies. I’m tired of defending things I have said and defending my opinions. They are my own and I am FREE to fucking feel the way I feel. I work hard for everything in my life ...I work even hard when needed and when I’m pissed the fuck off!

Here’s a song that brightens my mood ...

I hit the ground runnin' with the mornin' sun

When a job needs doing I get it done

I show up early And I go home late

Everybody knows I pull my weight

'Cause I don't mind doing

A little heavy liftin'

I'm always givin'

My everything

Even when I'm hurtin' I keep on workin'

And as long as I'm still alive and kickin'

I'll be stickin' To the heavy liftin'

Oh baby I heard he done you wrong

The going go tough and he got gone

Well he ain't here and I ain't him

And even if the walls come fallin' in

(You know) I don't mind doing

A little heavy liftin'

I'm always givin'

My everything

Even when I'm hurtin' I keep on workin'

And as long as I'm still alive and kickin'

I'll be stickin'

To the heavy liftin'

Baby when you heart is achin'

Lean on me, my back ain't breakin'

All I'm sayin' is I don't mind doing

A little heavy liftin'

I'm always givin'

My everything

Even when I'm hurtin' I keep on workin'

And as long as I'm still alive and kickin'

I'll be stickin' To the heavy liftin'

Honey I ain't quittin'

I'm always givin'

My everything....... Yeah...

~sweet kisses to those that truely love me~

Tag I'm It!

2007-08-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

Just Me & Malach tagged my sweet ass so I better get busy!

The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Do NOT forget to leave them a comment telling them they are tagged and that they need to read your blog.
5. Eight is the MAGIC number NOT three or two or one!

My Eight Facts/Habits:

1. A pet-pev of mine is not filling up the ice tray after using the ice. Or even worst taking like three to four ice cubes out and sticking the tray back in the freezer. Dump the whole thing in the ice bin and fill that fucker up again!

2. When I was younger I use to see "things" others couldn’t. Still to this day I see "things" out the corner of my eye that intrigue my thoughts to believe I must have some special power. I feel it has weaken with age though.

3. I sing out loud when driving by myself or even with someone. I get yelled out by many who say they waved at me but I was too busy singing and driving to notice them. Sorry!

4. I was born on Friday the 13th! (Woooo spooky)

5. I once fell off a pony at the age of 25 while trying to hop on her. It was my co-workers pony that her girls ride and she thought it be cute if I got on her. It had been almost 5 years since I had been on a horse and had forgot how to get on with out sliding off the side of the saddle. I think they all laughed at me for 30 minutes if not more. Hell they still laugh all me over it.

6. Porn is fucking awesome, I have quite a collection. I am not ashamed either!

7. When I was 14 my mother moved us to Missouri from Texas, Missouri is the only state I have lived in the longest, a total of 12 years now. I get homesick a lot though, my homesick is different than anyone, when I say I’m homesick it means I’ve been in one place to long and desire to get out of dodge so to say.

8. I have a neat birthmark. On the right side of the top of my head, there is a half-dollar size circle that grows nothing but pure blonde hair. The hair can’t be dyed by most colors (only color that did dye it was the darkest I had ever went, which is my current color dark brown), and the skin color is different than the rest of my head.

TAG: I demand the following bloggers/myspacers to write eight facts/habits about themselves: PHIX, Stan, Mac D Dennis, Jacob, Paintball Man, Twisted Thoughts, Lou Anne & (what the hell) Captain Flak Paperpants

~eight times the wicked love~

Humid Heat Sucks!!!!

2007-07-18T09:28:00.000-05:00

I use to love the summer time. It seems that now that I am older (not by much) the heat really starts to get to me, it could be because it’s a humid heat and not a dry heat. For example this morning it’s about 73 degrees, I don’t have central air, anyways I was putting my make-up on and it was just sweating it’s self off. I was a miserable cookie. So I have to improvise in these hot days, running back and forth in front of the ac and back to the bathroom to finish up. Another thing that I have to fight with during the summer time, blow drying my hair. I have a shit load of hair and it takes a little while to get it dry. So I have the heat of the dryer and the heat of the nature forcing themselfs down my back. I am so happy to hop in the car and get to work knowing it will be nice in the office. I am lucky that I don’t work in the heat like Aaron. He was telling me in the shop yesterday it was close to 99 degrees. (He’s a welder incase I have never said so) His boss says if it hits 105 degrees they will send the guys home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So I have been sick. *pouts* The first time started on July 4th, btw Happy Late 4th! I had a fever and couldn’t do much. By the 5th Aaron went and bought a thermometer, because I was scaring him, needless to say my fever that morning was 102.6. So he calls my boss while I’m in the shower (planning on going to work because it’s just not a day I should be away), tells him and he’s like "oh no she’s not coming in". Aaron takes me at 8:15 a.m. that morning to our local clinic. Mind you I haven’t been in a doctors office for years. They run a urine test, and decide it MUST be kidney stones. By this time I had broke that fever and the chills were setting in. I was crying because I was scared and hurting. They say "well we don’t have the right test to make sure it’s kidney stones, so we want you to go to the ER, we are sending with you the urine test so they won’t have to run another. Pay up front." No first off I have no health insurance. Yeah I know! So off we go to the ER in the next town Bolivar. My mother wanted to go so we pick her up to. They both of them are freaking out because I am never sick. Get to ER and they tell me "They didn’t run the right tests on your urine, we have to run our own." So I pee once more in a cup and wait. Thankfully being at the ER they get an ivy in me and put in some pain medicine. I am freezing at this point and pissed because the lady that drew my blood "hit" my nerve in my arm which fucking hurt like a bitch and she has the "nerve" to say "oh well at least your nerve works!" I wanted to slap the shit out of her. Then my male nurse has me help him put the ivy in. At this time I wanted to walk out and say fuck it let me boil till I die! They come back with the test and tell me it’s not kidney stones but a severe kidney infection. They hook up some antibotics to my ivy and give me a bunch of prescriptions. At this point I realize my ER bill would be over a thousand bucks. They release me and I talk to the pay lady. "Oh well this is your bill, Oh you have no insurance, well call this lady in a couple of days to get your final bill and set up a payment plan." "This isn’t the full amount (bill showing $759 that she hands me)?" "Oh no it’s the minimum bill not the final, you do need to pay something before we can release you." So I pay her $40 to shut her up. Get outside and mom says oh honey you didn’t have to give her money. *grrrrrr* Head home to rest and guess what my temp rises to 103.6. *yay what fun* So I went through fevers for about 3 days after the trip to ER. Take all the medicine and bam I get hit with a fucking head cold. Now I’m blowing snot out like you wouldn’t believe. (Yeah I know so sexy huh?) I’ve been taking over the counter medicine but it hasn’t done much. I’d go to the Doctor again but I can’t afford another bill. So I’ll keep taking the over the counter shit and see where that takes me. One thing that really gets to me is I am a very healthy person. I haven’t been sick like this in years. Oh well right ...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Aaron, Chris & Travis has won another paintball tournament. They are doing really good. I hope they keep it up! They have another tournament Saturday. One thing that is a positive for me out of this is the last gun Aaron won he sold on ebay and bought me a lawn mower. *fuck yeah* So I am super pleased.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I finally got to go to Foreplay last Saturday night! Wooohooo... was that a bunch of fun. Yes it’s a strip joint. My best friend Jason is the bartender and well he can bartended. Within 5 minutes of me being there he had three shots of tequila in me. At first I asked for a soda to take this cold medicine, he’s all like "what you need a tequila shot?". "No I need to take this medicine so I feel better." "Tequila it is Aasta!". Now I can’t say NO to him now can I. But I did finally. I did enjoy the time there but it wasn’t enough. I am going back real soon and this time I won’t say no. *lol* Jacob, Aaron’s younger brother, went with us. He had a GREAT time and wants me to go with him more often. I guess since the strippers thought I was "awesome", Jacob thought I was "awesome". *lol* So just incase you didn’t know ...I’m awesome! *giggles* The girls were so sexy & sweet. There was this one that was to die for. *mmmMmmm* Yes I must go back soon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So I was going to write about Aaron and my fight we had about the end of last month. It was one of the biggest fights we have had yet I stood my ground and didn’t break down crying. But everything is better once more so I will not touch the fight here. I just hope the things we said to each other stick and that we can make our lives better for us. It’s so hard to get him to understand that everything I do I do for us. I will say one thing, I asked him why he doesn’t treat me "great or good", his response was "I don’t treat you bad or good". This really upset me. I just can’t see that. I treat him so good and I want to, here he is and he just doesn’t think of it that way. *deep breath* But he is trying more now. I just don’t understand him most the time. It’s frustrating. Some days it hurts deeply. Then other days it’s like "who the fuck are you and what did you do with the asshole". *smiles*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Guess what .... I got a raise too after being sick! Wooohooo!!! I was so pleased with my bossman. Even though I was out for a day and a half when I got back he gave me a raise and a new title ....ready for this ... Supply Clerk!!! Hot Damn!!! *giggles* Not like I haven’t been ordering supplies for a while now, it’s just now I have the title. I do have to say this is the most money I have ever work for and I am tickled pink. I know I deserve it and all it’s just so hard for me to believe. Thanks to the one looking out for me. The really cool part about it all is that I was the only one in the office to get this raise. Usually everyone gets the same raise but not this time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I better stop here and save the rest for another day.

I wish all my friends a wonderful rest of the week and a terrific weekend.

Looks like I’ll be getting some relief from the heat and maybe some rain too.

Fingers crossed.

~smokin hot smooches~

An Oldie but a Goodie ...Have a Nice Friday!

2007-06-15T08:16:00.000-05:00

That's All - Genesis

Just as I thought it was going alright

I find out I'm wrong, when I thought I was right's

always the same, it's just a shame, that's all

I could say day, you'd say night

tell it's black when I know that it's white

's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all

I could leave but I won't go

though my heart might tell me so

I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes

so why does it always seem to be

me looking at you, you looking at me

's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all

Turning me on, turning me off

making me feel like I want too much

living with you's just putting me through it all of the time

running around, staying out all night

taking it all instead of taking one bite

living with you's just putting me through it all of the time

I could leave but I won't go

it'd be easier I know

I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes

but why does it always seem to be

me looking at you, you looking at me

's always the same, just a shame, that's all

Truth is I love you

more than I wanted to

there's no point in trying to pretend

there's been no-one who

makes me feel like you do

say we'll be together till the end

I could leave but I won't go

it'd be easier I know

I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes

but why does it always seem to be

me looking at you, you looking at me

's always the same, just a shame, that's all

Just as I thought it was going alright

I find out I'm wrong when I thought I was right

's always the same, just a shame, that's all

I could say day, you'd say night

tell me it's black when I know that it's white

's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all

That's all ...

~sexy smooches~

Fucking Ants...

2007-06-13T09:36:00.000-05:00

Did you know that the ice caps are melting? *smiles & frowns* Malach brought that to my attention to ... I think ... cheer my whining ass up. Which it did. Because to often I forget that there are much worst things happening besides my own b.s.. Thanks friend!

So I am better today, I actually felt so much better after I posted yesterday. So you want to know how my morning went today? *laffs* Well little Miss Aasta, slept till 6:30 a.m. today and feels so refreshed. *laffs some more* Though Mr. Aaron did not wake me, he left with out kissing me goodbye, or re-setting the alarm. Thankfully my body is used to getting up on time and I woke up right when I needed to. It just bothers me that he wouldn’t think about "what if she doesn’t wake up", but then again I should be thankful I got to sleep till 6:30 a.m. regardless.

I want to mow tonight, but with all the rain we have received I wonder if the grass will be too wet. But damn I need to do it. Plus on the back of the house I have so much trimming to do. Things have just took off growing everywhere and it’s starting to look like I live in the woods or something worst. The strays love it though because they have some much stuff to hide in. Last night when I was pulling up all I could see was "Tater" jumping from the weeds trying to catch bugs. He is just the cutest. My favorite out of the strays.

Saturday after work I am planning on taking my mother out to dinner. I also plan to have her go with me to Hobby Lobby to pick up some flowers for the wedding. I love my mother so much. Having her here for me is a blessing. Anyways she found this Mexican restaurant that she swears is "authentic" mexican food. When my mother says this ...you KNOW she is for real. So last week she cooked a big lunch for my office and this is her reward. I can’t wait really.

For an odd reason this season I have a HUGE ant problem. I think some one sent their ants my way. *snickers* Now I have tried everything once again and they just come back. The are super tiny black ants. So last night I set out some "ant houses" that have this poison in them. Within minutes the "home" was covered. You would think that this shit is crack for ants. So this morning I didn’t notice as many. Maybe they o-d on the shit!

Well that is all for today people.

Peace ...I’m out!

~sugar sugar kisses, because the are so SWEET~

The Pissy that is Me Today

2007-06-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

I am so pissy today it is pathetic.

So I decided I would dedicate this post to everything that is pissing me off.

So if you don’t want to hear a bunch of my crap ...stop right now!

First thing that pissed me off today, our alarm. It goes off at 5:48 a.m. every morning except on the weekend. Aaron should get up at this time and get in to shower. Instead of that he’ll let that muther-fucker go off until 6:30 a.m. when I am to get up. I have discussed this with Aaron in great detail, to please get the fuck up when it goes off the first time, or set it for 6:30 a.m.. Every time I get, "okay Aasta!". Every fucking morning I get this .... alarm goes off, Aaron hits snooze, alarm goes off, Aaron hits snooze, alarm goes off, Aaron hits snooze, alarm goes off, Aaron hits snooze, I look up it’s 6:20 a.m. and I get the fuck up to have my morning cigarette. I get done, go into our room to grab my clothes, ask Aaron if he is going to work or staying home. Listen to him say how I’m bitching to him 1st thing in the morning. All I did was ask if the son-of-a-bitch was getting his lazy fucking ass up!!!! I’m almost at my wits-end with his laziness. He’s all healed up now and there is no reason he should not be at work every day. Hell I work more than he ever has! I work Saturdays most the time. Has he every put a Saturday in? No! But ohh my belly hurts, or ohh I’m sooo tired, or ohh I just don’t feel well. Suck it up bastard and go make some money!!! I never ....NEVER get to take a "ohh my belly hurts" day! I deal with it and put that smile on and get my ass to work.

Second thing that pissed me off this morning. I feed all of our animals. Jack, the fishes, and the "homeless" (as Malach put it) stray cats. I buy food for all of them. I put water out for most of them. The one time I’m running a little behind and ask Aaron to do these things I get a huge "sigh", like I fucking stabbed him with something. Not a ...thanks babe for being so fucking awesome. Or a ...sure babe I can see your running behind. When has he EVER bought their foods? Maybe he has a COUPLE times in the 8 years we have been together.

Third thing that pissed me off this morning. My fucking wardrobe. I HATE to shop for clothes and it has come to my attention I HAVE to fucking go buy some new clothing. It’s not that I don’t have things to wear, it’s just how many times can you wear a shirt before it’s faded, worn and just plain YUCK! I was sick to death at trying to pick something out to wear. It just increased my bitchy mood.

All other matters that have pissed me off just come to the surface when I’m this upset.

It’s sad ...no it’s fucking pathetic.

I need an escape today.

I need to find my "zen" before I rip off someones head.

Help me ....help me please, I don't want to go to prison for exploding!!!

~pissy love today, but hey I still have some love in me~

Update of Sorts ...

2007-06-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say. It’s that I’ve been so busy lately, and when I am not busy I’m not in the state of mind to be typing. *laffs* Let’s see ...I got a raise at work not to long ago. Which has really helped me to save even more money. I’ve become such a tight ass with money, well with MY money. *giggles* Other people in my life think I’m crazy, I think I’m smart. Speaking of work, it’s been super busy as well. You know what sucks about being Number One ...being number one! *LOL* I mean come now, how the hell am I suppose to remember everything and be expected to do it at the same time. Don’t get me wrong I do love my work, it’s just I wish I wasn’t so "unreplaceable". I know job security ... but damn it! *laffs at myself* I was very happy to see one of our huge criminal cases be dropped by the PA because well they didn’t have a leg to stand on. Sad part about that it is that it has ruined our client’s reputation in the town, even though none of the accusations were true. I hope they find some piece of mind now. I am so thankful to have a boss like mine. He is good to me and very good to the public people. It pisses me off when I hear someone talk shit about him. Most of the people in this town don’t have a heart like his. I respect him to the upmost level. The things I have seen him do for people over the last four years has really touched my heart. Thanks boss man!!!

~*~*~*~*~

So Chris, Travis and Aaron finally won a paintball tournament. Plus they are now number one in the series. It was last weekend in Kansas, they took first place. Each of them won a $400 paintball gun and a $200 "hopper". Hoppers load the paintballs into the gun btw. (Yeah I’m learning things even when I could careless ....giggles). I am so happy for them and I hope they continue on this path of winning. I guess it was down to the last round, Chris and Travis got shot out and Aaron was left. From what I gather from their conversations, the other team thought they had shot Aaron out first. Aaron got a "paint check" and was called clean. As Aaron watched the other team grab the flag and walk towards their end, Aaron "lit" up the guy in the back and as soon as the last team member on the other team can out to celebrate their assumed victory, Aaron shot his ass out too. In a way I wished I could have seen it, but then again I am so glad I was not there. Job well done boys!!!!

It’s funny how the mind can play with you. Most might not know about my fear of guns, it’s a long and sad story and maybe someday I’ll relive it for all to read. The sound of something firing off really gets my heart going. A couple of weeks ago I went out with Aaron to Black Buffalo practice. Aaron took his gun to have the boys try it. I stayed inside but could still hear the sound off the gun going off. True it’s a paintball gun, but tell my heart that. I was ready to get the fuck out of dodge. That feeling hasn’t happened in a very long time. It’s a scary feeling I get and I don’t like it. I think Aaron thinks I’m making it up, but I’m not. It’s just something I have dealt with and thought I had long taken care of it. Much to my dismay, the feeling caught up with me and I was disgusted. So that is one reason of many why I don’t go to the tournaments, I just can’t get that feeling to pass when I hear those guns go 90 to nothing.

Still super proud of the guys for winning and being number one in the series.

~*~*~*~

I’m a pretty sad cookie. I wrote to one of my "best" friends a three page letter in April. Laying it all out there. Still to this day I have never got a response from them. It hurts. It sucks. But maybe that is the response they wanted to give ...nothing at all. Oh well I guess. It just sucks so bad. It’s like a slap in the face. *ouch damn it* Why do I waste my time?

~*~*~*~

Black Buffalo has had a small set back. Shane the "8 Ball Jester" has decided to leave the band. So now they have their CD with a guy on it that is no longer a part of them. It’s sad, but I see both sides. I hope Shane finds what he out there looking for. And I pray the band moves forward without a major set back. The shows they played last weekend were great I was told. It’s just different now. But different is not always a bad thing. Good luck boys!

~*~*~*~

So I put some red streaks in my hair. OMG I loved it. Now though it’s faded away. The color was so bright at first, my hair girl forgot to tell me that for the next four washes that the red would slowly come out. It’s still there but not as vibrant as it was the first few days. I took a picture and put it on my Myspace. You can kinda see the red. I don’t know what I’ll do next with it. It’s getting so long again. Some of the people I deal with on a daily basis were all like "but what about the wedding?" What about it? *laffs* Who knows maybe I’ll have blue and green hair for the wedding, it is MY hair and MY wedding now isn’t it? *giggles*

~*~*~*~

Been slacking on writing a new erotic tale. I have so many ideas for the next one, now it’s just finding the time to get it out there. Hopefully maybe this weekend I can begin to get it typed. Aaron should be gone all day Saturday and I’ll be getting off not to late. We’ll see I guess.

~sunny smooches under the oak tree~

Rainy Days

2007-04-26T13:13:00.000-05:00

Rain, rain .... and more rain. Don’t get me wrong it’s lovely and we do need it. I just want a wicked storm. Nothing destructive, just wicked. Lots of booms & cracks and a down poor that goes on for hours. Is that too much to ask? ~giggles~ Though today is the last of it for now. Either Saturday or Sunday we are going to the zoo, so the sun better be shining so I can take some awesome pictures. You hear me up there? ~smiles softly~

~*~*~*~

Today is my brother, Dusty’s, birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUD! He wanted the day off work but his headquarters said no. (bastards) But he’ll be over after work to get his gifts. I don’t know if I said this before, but he is now the manager of the store. I am so proud of him. Also he has a new lady in his life. Let’s hope it lasts and it’s a good relationship for both of them. I haven’t got to actually meet her, just seen her. Maybe he’s hiding her from everyone. ~laffs~ He said he told her I was the nice one. Hell my mother went off on her about how her sister is a *%$#^%, and owes mom money. I think it scared this poor girl. But that is my mother, she tells you like it is. She pretty much told her that if she acts anything like her sister, mom will not have it. I think it’s kinda cute that she went off, it only means she cares. Though Dusty didn’t like it much. I love you brother of mine.

Last weekend he bought a Wii. OMG that thing is so much fun. What was even funnier was watching them box. ~LMAO~ For instance Aaron’s brother Jacob was boxing, we kept telling him to slow down the machine isn’t that fast, but he kept going 90 to nothing. I was sitting behind him laughing my ass off because ever time he start throwing punches his ass was going 90 to nothing too. I loved the bowling game. I still think he is crazy for spending that much on it, but I know he wanted it bad. I now understand why so many people have been breaking their TV’s. It’s unreal. Hell Aaron, every time he went to punch he’d step an inch further towards the TV. I had to keep telling him "Aaron move back". He was hilarious to watch too. I’m sure I would have been too, but I didn’t box!!!!

~*~*~*~

Wedding plans are still coming together. Here let me share some with you all:
The wedding will be a few blocks from my house here in good’ol Buffalo. My brides-men are going to be my brothers (Sorry ladies!), no maid-of-honor, at least not yet that is, though I do have a fake one so she can get a discount off her dress, but she is also my planner too (love you Amy and thank you for everything your doing for us, you’re a very special woman to me). Aaron’s best-men will be his brothers. And of course ...oh wait I didn’t tell you this last time, I got my DRESS and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. (Here’s a link to a picture of it http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog/slideshow.html?p=25&id=WCGXGNAleq_aeAX3BOqLxeVWKr_aKpSmMw--

(Aaron is NOT allowed to use this link!!!!! Got it buddy!!!!!)

Ummm, I have a flower boy.

Still working on the reception site, but it will be here in town as well.

I am getting so excited. Even more so that it is happening. I was thinking of writing my vowels today and it brought tears of happiness to me, knowing how madly in love I am with him. I don’t know when it happen, but I do love him with every inch of my heart. Is it possible to love someone more than you have before? Does that make any sense?

~*~*~*~

Peace out people!

I shall return sometime soon.

~raining smooches from high above~

It's a Nice Day for ...White Wedding!!!!!

2007-03-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

I have some exciting news to share with who ever that cares. Aaron and I set a "real" wedding date. *smiles* It’s going to be here in Missouri, but we still don’t have a location yet. Don’t ask me why we agreed, or why I got the bug out of my ass, just know that I am happy. One reason I wanted to do this is I asked myself two questions last week, that I hadn’t had an answer to, "Do you see him in your life forever? & Does he make you happy over 50% of the time?" My answers were yes. I can’t see myself without him by my side. Even through everything we have put ourselves through, we still end up on the same page. Sure it may take a couple of hours of us going back in forth, but we know how to compromise and we know when we are wrong. Oh yeah ... date is February 1, 2008. So save the date and I’ll have more details as the time passes. February 1st will be our nine year anniversary, so it will be a special day.

~*~*~*~

Looking forward to lots of rain this week. I kinda like it, and it’s better than the ice storm we had. *laffs* Hard part is it makes me want to curl back up in the mornings. The temperatures have been lovely as well. I hoping to go on a Sunday morning drive in the country side. I use to do that a lot and haven’t in a while. Since the ice storm it’s so hard to look out at the trees and see them all torn to pieces. It’s unbelievable the damage the ice caused. One of these days I’ll get all the pictures I took and get them posted somehow. I even have before and after pictures of just my yard. It’s unreal!

~*~*~*~

Wanting to get back into photograph again. I was taking a lot of pictures at one time, but it seems that I haven’t done that in so long. Plus being a member of "The Deck of Many Things" I need to start posting some "art". *giggles* Maybe this weekend I can get some good shots out in the country. Damn I also need a new picture for Myspace. I am sick of looking at the one that’s up. *laffs at myself*

~*~*~*~

That’s all for now I suppose. Need to get busy on my work. I’m kinda in a crappy mood today and I think I know why. It just pisses me off. But I’m not going to write about it, I’m just going to blow it off and go on with the daily routine.

~white loving smooches~

Hold Me ...but You Better Not Stink!!!!

2007-03-08T16:26:00.000-06:00

Fleetwood Mac ~ Hold Me

Can you understand me
Baby, don't you hand me a line

Although it doesn't matter

You and me got plenty of time

There's nobody in the future

So baby let me hand you my love

There's no step for you to dance to

So slip your hand inside of my glove

Hold me, hold me, hold me

I don't want no damage

But how'm I gonna manage with you

You hold the percentage

But I'm the fool payin' the dues

I'm just around the corner

If you got a minute to spare

I'll be waitin' for you

If you ever wanna be there

Hold me, hold me, hold me

~*~*~

Has been on hell of a day. Dealt with stupid people, a smelly ass guy (not to mention who made me barf after he left my office) and a head that still hasn’t woke up.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, it is Friday ...isn’t it?

~sleepy smooches~

Purple Lover Today ...

2007-03-05T10:43:00.000-06:00

The show went great Saturday night. I was actually surprised the amount of money I took just for entry. Sure it was boring but then again I got to see everyone that came and well the ones that didn’t. I also had my good friend Sharon to help out. Which was really nice, thanks babes! I bought two of the CD’s, one for me and one for the Cardona’s which I will mail out this week. Aaron gave me a hard time for buying them when I should have just taken them. What can a girl say, I like to help the band! *smiles* They need it and it’s not like they don’t have 50 other people wanting freebies. Sharon and I got to see a colorful ray of people. *giggles* For instance this one older guy, we’ll say he was in his early 50's maybe, anyways this guy went to his truck on the nose every 10 to 15 minuets and when he came back through he was sniffing his nose and wiping his RED eyes. Come on now, we all know he was having a blast! *giggles* Trust me there was many more people just like him. It’s a lovely world we live in.

~*~*~

Didn’t buy that fucking computer like I wanted. No one to blame but myself. I just didn’t feel "comfortable" buying any of the ones I looked at. I should be happy with myself for not just buying one, but I’m not. I do NEED a new one for home. I think what I’ll do it wait around and spot a good buy before I do. Then again I like having the extra money in my account, kinda like a security blanket. Makes me feel so warm and fuzzy. *laffs* I was close to buying a Compact like the one I have at the office and a 15. 5 flat top screen, just something stopped me and I walked far away from it. Plus all new computers have Vista now and I just don’t know if that’s a good things or a bad thing. Who knows, only time will tell.

~*~*~

Crystal didn’t come to the show with the kids as she said she would. What’s new. I can’t blame her for not being interested in things that I do. Be it the boys, my blogs, my erotic tales, my silliness. She’s going to be someone’s wife soon and well that’s not my cup of tea. Time does put distance between two hearts that once beat the same long ago. Man when we were together we did almost every thing together. Now it’s like... "well you have a good time with that." Or an excuse from either of us why we can’t come or do this or that. No hard feelings. Life just changes and takes we took different roads. I still love her and the kids and would do anything for them, I know I keep saying that but I want them to know it. It’s so hard for me because I feel like once again I failed. But I’m not going into the best friend failure story because ...well it’s just to damn hard for me to relive all the failed relationships I have been through.

~*~*~

Hell frozed over for a few minutes Saturday morning. Aaron took me to watch a paintball tournament. *giggles* It wasn’t bad, went pretty fast and we didn’t even stay for all of it. Chris his best friend was playing, so we watched one of his matches, of course his team kicked ass. I told Aaron it looked like Chris plays with two kids, which is half true. One is a kid and the other a senior in high school. Both short shits, but they say they are good because you can’t see them as good as an adult. Plus they can hop over bunkers and shit like nobody’s business. I don’t think their team won, but I thought Aaron said they placed fifth.

~*~*~

Joined another blog today,

The Deck of Many Things: http://www.rubbersuitstudios.com/DoMT/index.html

I should have lots of fun with it once I figure out what to post.
I posted a quick art picture as a beginning of something bigger. *giggles*

It probably was really gay put I don’t mind.

Go visit it, love it & join it!

~purple passionate smooches~

A New Computer to Come ....

2007-03-02T09:14:00.001-06:00

*YAY* I’m getting a new computer this weekend. I’m so excited. Still not sure which model I’ll go with but I know it will be so much of an upgrade from the piece of shit I have had for years now. Oh and then I get to learn Vista! *wooohoo* There is so much that will help me with a new computer. It’s unreal that the one I have is still 98 Windows. Talk about ancient, right? *laffs* But that will all change after the weekend. I won’t know what to do with myself.

~*~*~

So Aaron got a pick-up truck from his brother. It’s has to be the nicest vehicle Aaron has ever owned. (He’s had the Nova for eons.) He was so happy last weekend because he got his tax return and got it all legal and in his name. It’s amazing to see that look in his eyes when he’s happy or satisfied. Monday I got off work and he made me drive around back roads in his “legal” truck. It was hilarious, but I enjoyed our road trip into the country side. So now since he has this he has been going to work everyday. *smiles* I know his knee is killing him but he is going and not staying at home. Which is very nice because once again I can start saving for my trip to CA. *smiles even more*

~*~*~

The other day I posted that my friends Crystal and Donald are getting married. What I didn’t post about was my feelings on this. It’s so hard for me to open up knowing that they come and read this once in a while. I don’t like how I feel. I don’t think it’s right. I’m fighting with it daily and yesterday was even harder. Donald came in with the kids, which was so nice. Come to find out Crystal ran next door to the store. I just thought cool she’ll stop in when she comes out since the kids and Donald are here. Well that didn’t happen. Donald said he was going to get something from Crystal, and I assumed she would follow. Nope. Didn’t even pop her head in. Stayed out in the car. So after I was done with him, he left. I felt so “unwanted”, so “unneeded”, so very much “unloved”. I know it’s silly. So I call her to ask her why she didn’t come in. She goes off that Donald was suppose to tell me they were in a hurry and running late. Okay well I understand that but why not even pop in and say hello for 5 seconds. Am I not worth that? So of course again my feelings are hurt. But that’s nothing new when it comes to her and my relationship. Ever since that day long ago things will and have never been the same. I just need to accept this and I thought I had. I don’t know maybe I’m jealous that it’s her that’s getting married in Vegas and not me. I mean that was my idea ...or was it? Don’t get me wrong I am extremely happy for them and I wish them nothing but the best. It’s my feelings that are driving me fucking batty. I guess it would have been nice to hear the news in person or even on the phone, but I suppose MySpace has taken over that. I just need to deal with myself and my
life, right?

Crystal or Donald, I do wish you much happiness, please don’t take my post as negativity towards your relationship. I know you both are perfect for each other. This is my place to heal and that’s what I do here. *smiles*

~*~*~

Weather has been pretty pleasant lately. That wicked storm came through here and the fucking tornado sirens went off for hours. Thankfully no tornado hit us and my heart goes out to the family that lost their little girl. It’s that season again, for tornados. I hope they don’t take many lives this year.

~*~*~

Saturday night is Black Buffalo’s official CD Release party. *good job guys* I get to work the door. *wooohoo* They are playing on coming in all “rock starish”. *laffs* Aaron’s going to set up our living room with beer and shit so they can hang there till the time comes. (Our home is about 4 blocks away from where they are playing.) I wanted to be with them there and I might still get to. I should have help they said. We’ll see. *lol* They all have grown so much over the years and I am very proud of each of them.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!

~wicked smooches and loving hugs~

A New Song to Love

2007-02-27T13:54:00.000-06:00

Finger Eleven

~Paralyzer~

hold on so nervously

To me and my drink

I wish it was cooling me

But so far, has not been good

It’s been shitty

And I feel awkward, as I should

This club has got to be

The most pretentious thing

Since I thought you and me

Well I am imagining

A dark lit place

Or your place or my place

Well I’m not paralyzed

But, I seem to be struck by you

I want to make you move

Because you’re standing still

If your body matches

What your eyes can do

You’ll probably move right through

Me on my way to you

I hold out for one more drink

Before I think I’m looking too desperately

But so far has not been fun

I should just stay home

If one thing really means one

This club will hopefully

Be closed in three weeks

That would be cool with me

Well I’m still imagining

A dark lit place

Or your place or my place

I’m not paralyzed

But, I seem to be struck by you

I want to make you move

Because you’re standing still

If your body matches

What your eyes can do

You’ll probably move right through

Me on my way to you

~*~*~

I was left a message on Myspace

that my friend, Crystal,

is getting married on March 30th.

Congrats to you and Donald.

You both are crazy in my thoughts.

~pink smooches all around~

Love Your Self!

2007-02-19T11:24:00.000-06:00

I finally had a "fun" weekend. *YAY* Let’s see, Saturday I got my hair done early in the morning and I LOVE it. It’s much darker than I have ever had it, but I LOVE it. I am one to like change. Had the day off so I got to goof of and get some shit done that I normally rush to do on Sunday. Saturday night was Bubba’s B-Day Bash in Springfield, so you know what that means ....I got to watch Black Buffalo play!!!! *WOOHOO* It had been so long, well since before Aaron’s knee operation since I got to see them play. Sure I could go by on practice nights but it’s just not the same. It was a good night, those boys put on a good show. Even though Aaron felt Domeshade did better. The bar kinda sucked, 1st their drinks were so small it was like two drinks and your done and 2nd no food, not even chips or peanuts. One of the guys running the lights hollars, "We have lots of menus you can order and they will deliver." Oh well thanks dude but all I wanted was some chips and salsa! *laffs* But nevertheless it was a fund night. Didn’t get home till about 1:30 a.m., slept to noon on Sunday.

~*~*~

Sunday was also Crystal’s Birthday, Happy Birthday babydoll!

I was a horrible friend and forgot to call her. But she knows I love her and I’ll be making it up to her this week. I hope she had a wonderful day with Donald and the kids. I love you sweet cheeks.

~*~*~

So I guess Mr. Donald read my blog the other day and read about Aaron not wanted to "get to know" him. I thought I better explain this some. First off Aaron’s feelings do not reflect my own. Aaron is hard to get to open up, particularly to new people. He hates crowds and he hates to meet new people. Call it old fashion, call it stubbornest. I can’t change the way he is. Also Aaron has to deal with things that was said to him that Crystal said about him. (I hate all this he said she said shit.) And Aaron just doesn’t feel like he would have anything in common with him. Which could be true and could not be true. I see it as it’s Aaron’s lost. You can’t make a person like someone and I can’t make him play "nice" either. All I can do is love Crystal and Donald and share what I can with them of my life and theirs. Aaron doesn’t have to be a part of that in my opinion. It would be like him making me go paintballing and hanging with those people. It’s just not going to happen. (I hate paintball... btw). But that doesn’t stop him from enjoying it and it should stop me from loving my friends. So Donald and/or Crys if your reading this, I love ya and so what if Aaron’s an ass. You’re my friends not his. *smiles*

~*~*~

I think to myself a lot on how I should act or be in my life. I shouldn’t do it, because I love who I am. I have flaws like everyone else and pluses too. I have the right to be stupid or smart. I have the right to forget and to remember. I have the right to like this person and not like the next. Everyone has these rights. If you don’t like me then don’t like me. I’m not on this world for a popularity contest. I’m here living life, learning things, exploring new and old stuff.

Of course my feelings get hurt from time to time, but it’s those times my feelings are so uplifted that make the hurtful times disappear.

So be who you are and love it.

Love yourself, it’s a love that will be yours forever.

~loving smooches~

Happy Birthday To ME!!!!

2007-02-13T09:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to ME!

~does the happy dance~

Happy Birthday to ME & Jerry Springer!

~brand new smooches~

I Want Spring!!!

2007-02-08T15:24:00.000-06:00

Finally I got to spend part of a day with Crystal. It had been like forever since we have done anything "together". I had so much fun. I had missed her so much. It was like nothing ever happen and we were back to our old self’s again. She wants to go out this weekend but Aaron wants to take me out before my B-Day and V-Day. Plus he doesn’t want to "get to know" Donald, the man she plans on marrying. Also he still has hard feeling for her, since he was told stuff that she said about him behind his back. I tried to explain to him to let it go, but he likes to hold a grudge. Plus I suppose they just aren’t the kind of people he wants to hang with. It’s upsetting to me, but then again I look at it like this, she is my best friend and I love her no matter what. Hell he was so pissy towards me when I got home from hanging out with her. Like I committed a crime or something. The boy needs to get over it. *laffs* I even told him that. I never go out without him and the one time I do, he throws a hissy fit. Damn bastard!!! But I am giving in to him this weekend because he "really" wants to take me out Saturday night and doesn’t want anyone to tag along. Bastard!!

~*~*~

I got to see another play last month that I haven’t got to share. My mother for X-mas bought her, my brother Scott, and me tickets to "Hairspray". OMG I just loved it. But then again I love live performances. Scott even liked it which mom and me thought was pretty damn cool. I had originally planned to go with Crystal for our B-days in February. But since mom had already bought them for us to go I couldn’t take her along too. I thought it would be rude of me to invite her along. Sad though cause she missed out and I know how much she loves that stuff too. Maybe there will be a good one coming soon and I can make it up to her.

~*~*~

So if you haven’t notice ...my B-Day is next week. (2/13) Aaron’s trying to get me all excited about it, but I just can’t let myself. If I did I’d get my hopes up then shot down. Happens every year unless I do all the planning. Wooohoo I’ll be 26, yeah I’m still a baby! *giggles* I have to go to court with Mel that morning. So I am hoping to get a nice suit over the weekend to wear. I also would like to get my hair done, but I don’t see that happening till towards the end of the month. We’ll see. *giggles*

~*~*~

I’m tired of winter! Sick and tired of it all! Spring is suppose to come early, but not early enough for me. I want sunshine, flowers, spring rains damn it. Is that too much to ask for? Hell my toes are still cold from this morning. And then there is snow in the forecast for this week sometime. Bullshit! I think they are lying to me. Make them stop!

~springtime smooches~

Change of View

2007-02-04T22:06:00.000-06:00

As you can see I changed almost everything...

*giggles*

I finally got this blog switched to the new version, so guess what ...yep I played around with it!

I do love it now even more.
All the green is awesome.

*smiles*

Is it too much for anyone out there?
If so ...to badd!!!

*WEG*

Oh yeah and Go Colts!

*giggles*

~wicked green love~

Super Bowl Day

2007-02-04T16:54:00.000-06:00

Super Bowl Day! Wooohooo ...right! *laffs* I wish I was into it this year.
I just don't feel it. *lol* guess that comes with being a girl. Or just not really paying much attention this year to football.
Go Bears!!

~*~*~

Not much new with me. I am in love with the Erotic Stories that Myko and I have been doing. It's so much fun. I am learning more and more with every thing I write. Aaron called my first story "word porn", but he liked it. *smiles* Maybe it was but hey ...it was mine. It seems that anytime I get free time now that's what I'm doing, writing.

~*~*~

Well I pray everyone is having a great Sunday.
Mine is just right.

~wicked smooches~

New Blog Link

2007-01-10T10:37:00.000-06:00

This is the link to my new blog since I forgot to paste it below. http://tainteddarklove.blogspot.com/

I'm working on stories and should have a couple up by the end of the

month if all goes according to plan.

I'll still be here too, btw.

~wicked love~