As the years have went by I have started to realize something. I am not as social as I once was. So last night I really started thinking about this long and hard... what is the source? Well the answer rang like a bell on Sunday morning, Aaron. He has this problem with being around large crowds of people. Be it a party, restaurant, movies, etc. Now because I love him I have not pushed him to go to places I want to go. For example, a couple of weeks ago he wanted to take me to Ryan’s, which is a huge buffet. We were a block away and he says "Oh man they are going to be so busy." So instead of responding with "We are going", I simply said well lets go somewhere quite then. In which we did. I would have never done this before. Or for example the boys have many shows and I am always wanting to go, reasons I don’t get to go to the ones I want to go is because Aaron would rather not. It’s not that he doesn’t like the music, but again the crowd of people. Why is he so stuck on this. I know he needs to see a professional and get some kind of help with this. I just know it’s driving me nuts. As much as I would love to do something I take a second look at it and decided if it’s something I can do with him, or if it’s something that he would not want to do.
So how do I break this cycle? The big question on my mind at the moment. I know if he did get some help, be it medication or therapy, I know things would be better for the both of us. But how do I convince him of this? I joke a lot with him about him being bi-polar. I know it’s not something to joke about, but if I get all serious on him then it’s like I’m "putting" him down. That is so far from the truth. I want him to be happy and want to enjoy the simple things in life like going out for a nice dinner. Or going out with some friends and enjoying the fun. I would hate to start doing these things without him because a do love him so much.
I understand staying home, because I do love being home as much as he does. But sometimes you need to get out and get some air. Have a beer or two. Enjoy the small things I suppose. In his eyes he see it as "spending more money". I do understand him, I just want to break this cycle sometimes. Or have him surprise me once in a while. Last night I asked him a simple question that turned into silence, what was the last "nice" thing you have done for me without me asking? The only thing he could think of was "opening doors" for me. So then he thought he be smart and ask me the same question. Well I listed tons of things. He was in shock. The point of asking this question was to show him that our relationship is not 50/50. More like 70/30. I just want him and me to be happy and safe. But these things need to be addressed before I do marry him. I want no regrets when it does happen and if we work hard at our relationship I do not see where we can fail.
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The blahs are leaving me finally. The sun is shining above and the birds & bees are out in force. I can’t wait to take a picture of my Whisteria tree, it is gorgeous. I love the smell of those flowers. They remind me of grapes because of the way they hang.
~flower smooches covered in pollen~
2 comments:
I wish I could offer some sage advice on this topic but I'm in the same boat as you.
Not to mention, I seem to have lost faith in most of humanity. *shrugs* Or that I'm obligated to be home doing the mommy thingy. Or that I can't afford to be going out all that much if at all. Ya know what I mean? *laughs*
But you could address it the way Brandon suggested, by asking him how crowds make him feel and why he has an aversion to taking you places that have lots of people. What is it about large groups does he not like? Ya know...million question thingy. More then likely it's a social anxiety and he needs to work through his phobia.
My 2 cents....
*sweet flowery smooches*
I love your 2 cents babydoll. Thank you for caring. I have asked him millions of questions hoping it would lead him to go get help. It is social anxiety. Also he thinks about how everyone thinks about him. I try to help him shrug it off, but it only happens when I have him totally relaxed. I myself love to stay home to because people are idiots most the time, but a night out is something I do enjoy. We will see if I can break the cycle just a little. *lol*
Give my love to Mr. B and Miss C. ~smooches to place every where~
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