Do you ever wake up and feel so alive? I do ...sometimes a lot ...sometimes not enough. But today was one of those days. Of course it has left being that I have had to deal with stupied people all freaking day. But that feeling is something magical.
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To Brandon ...
Aaron is a strange cookie. There are times he is okay with a crowd and times he is not. But I believe it boils down to, when he has these "mood" swings he chooses to voice to me that he doesn’t what to be here or there. Sometimes it’s the people, and most of the time it’s because he rather be at home playing X-Box. I myself do not like huge crowds, but I do not throw a fit like a child, that I have to leave, or that I don’t want to go. But until he sees a Dr for his depression I can not get to the root of his ways. I just live each day asking myself if I’m stupied for staying so long. As for the subject on Mr. C....my thoughts exactly. *smiles* But it doesn’t hurt to play it cool and let it bite him in the ass in the long run. I think the reason I "feel" for him is because I crave the attention sometimes. And boy does he like to give it. But no worries dear I’m not that stupid. *chuckles* And I would never take your thoughts as being harsh or rude for that matter. It makes me happy to know someone in the world cares and isn’t afraid to show that. I hope your feeling better ..btw. Kiss that sexy wifey of yours and Miss C for me. And again thank you for caring, it means a lot to this soul.
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Am I stupid? Lately this is the dying question I am struggling with. I do see I do deserve better, I really do. I know what Aaron does to me is wrong and life shouldn’t be this way. But why can’t I cut the cord and run free? Why am I still here trying? Why Why Why Why......why can’t I give up? Maybe I’m just not a quitter. Maybe I feel like I’m here to help him. Maybe Maybe Maybe ......too many maybe’s if you ask me. Granted there are so many times I am happy, but is it that I am numb to the pain? Probably so. My heart always aches, my soul always searching for the lost answers. Yet I love so free ...and so much. Love is me ...love is the one thing no one can control about me. I either love you or I don’t. You can’t force me to, yet you can’t stop me from it either. .......I know blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!
~Hump Day Spankings~
2 comments:
I promise to keep it short this time, okay? No, you are not stupid, Aasta. You obviously love Aaron which is why you keep trying, and you not being a quitter is also factored into that. As to why you can't cut the cord.....I am not sure that you really want to yet, otherwise you would have done it. You seem to try and see the positive in people and that is admirable, but it sometimes can also be done to a fault and detriment to yourself, which is where you're at now.
Now, on a lighter note....when you said " love so free.....love is me" why did I feel like breaking into a Chili Peppers song right then? Giveitaway giveitaway giveitaway now. : )
Brandon, Thanks again! *giggles* And I don't know ...whatever would inspire you to sing that? I do love that song though ...."what I got you got to give to your momma ..." *hugs*
Crys, Love you angel. Always and forever more!
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